


A Little Too Much

by coconutskins



Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 00:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconutskins/pseuds/coconutskins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is sure that he's missed out on his chance to get what he wants. He's trying his best to deal with it like a man and move on, but - it's not that easy.</p><p>The story starts sometime during season 4, but then focuses mainly on the night of the final and the day after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Too Much

Adam usually isn’t one to miss out on opportunities. This thought of spending weeks, months, _years_ wondering about ‘what could have been’ because you let fear or insecurities or whatever else stop you from going for what you really want disgusts him. So he usually just goes for it, whatever the cost. And most of the time he gets what he wants.

So, he doesn’t really know why he’s handled things so differently this time. Or maybe he does. Maybe – for the first time in… a very long time – he felt that the risk was too high and that there was too much at stake. So he didn’t do anything, he didn’t push things in the direction he would’ve liked them to go and settled for what he had instead. 

Adam regrets it now, though, he regrets it so much. Because he feels like he’s lost everything anyway, despite not taking any risks. It’s still all gone.

+

“You’re being a total drama queen and you know it, buddy.”

Adam doesn’t know why he told James. He _always_ ends up telling James however hard he tries not to. 

He blames the three, no, _four_ shots he's had within the past 30 minutes. 

Alcohol can go to fucking Hell.

“I’m not. He---“ Adam sighs. He wants to slap himself. Why on Earth can’t he stop talking about this jackass? It’s absolutely maddening. “He doesn’t give a shit about me anymore,” Adam adds then and immediately cringes at his own words, God he’s pathetic. 

James seems to agree wholeheartedly with Adam’s inner thoughts, because he’s shaking his head now, laughing, and somehow this has Adam snap.

“Fucking shut up,” he shouts at his bandmate and then he jumps to his feet – a little too quickly considering the amount of alcohol he’s consumed – so of course his head is spinning now and his knees are just about to give in when James can grab him by his upper arms, holding him up.

“Adam…” James voice is soft and gentle and Adam feels absolutely terrible.

“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m---“ he swallows, “I don’t know what---”

“You really have a problem, man.”

“I know,” Adam sighs, “I fucking _know._ ”

+

Adam doesn’t hate Usher. He doesn’t really hate anyone, actually, he usually just avoids the people who annoy him and that’s about it. Not that Usher really _annoys_ him, but – well – he certainly cannot avoid the man at the moment. They see each other every week, more than once a week, and he’d be totally down with that if there wasn’t this one thing that bothered him so much that he can barely take it.

The thing is, part of that thing is – it’s gotten to the point where, if he wants to talk to Blake, he has to go and find Usher first, because that’s where he’ll also find Blake. Adam doesn’t think it’s right. And he hates himself for it. He hates how much he misses having Blake’s full attention, hates how much he misses Blake’s eyes on him and his inappropriate comments and the shameless flirting and… just about _everything_. There’s just something so awful and stupid about missing someone who’s standing only a few feet away from you – Adam doesn’t know what to do with all those goddamn feelings anymore.

+

The dreams are the worst. At first they were rather innocent, just tags of memories – them hanging out at Adam’s place or in Blake’s trailer, them smoking pot together, getting drunk together, laughing, joking, having a good time. By now, though, those dreams have become so dirty and messy and _detailed_ – Adam doesn’t know how his brain can come up with something like that considering they’ve never ever touched. Not like that. 

Still, even outside of dreams, he finds it so very easy to imagine Blake on top of him, his lips sucking at his pulse point, marking him, his hands brushing over Adam’s erection, over and over, teasing him until he almost fucking _breaks._ And then, sometimes, more and more often lately, he finds himself imagining this other scenario – Blake inside of him, fucking him, hard, brutal almost, not giving him a chance to move or even _breathe._

It scares Adam a little, but he’s sure he’s never come that hard and quickly over only a fantasy before.

+

It’s the final night of the season and Adam didn’t think he’d ever say this, but he’s just so glad it’s over. He can’t wait to get away from it all, can’t wait to get on a plane and fly somewhere with someone to get his mind off things. 

He knows it’s probably not the nicest thing to do, sneaking out early on a night like that – the night of the final _and_ Blake’s birthday – but Adam doesn’t really care. He highly doubts that Blake will care. Or notice. He basically hasn’t seen the other man ever since they’d left the studio.

Adam’s just about to put on his jacket and make his escape when a hand on his shoulder stops him. 

“Hey hey, young man, where are you off to?”

Adam groans. Blake’s timing has always been fucking spectacular. 

“Home. I’m going home.” 

“You’re kidding.”

Adam finally turns around to face Blake then – not one of his best ideas it turns out. Blake looks fucking gorgeous. He’s been looking gorgeous all night, Adam’s pretty sure about that, but he finds him just this tad more breath-taking right now. He thinks it’s because of Blake’s eyes. They always have this slightly vulnerable touch to them whenever there’s a little too much alcohol in Blake’s system and it’s pretty obvious that the other man already had quite a few birthday-drinks or ‘3rd-win-in-a-row’-drinks or whatever stupid name Blake would give them. Adam likes that look on him. He likes it a lot. He’s seen it before, Blake’s been wearing that look quite a few times in Adam’s house when it was just them and a bottle of tequila and now Adam wishes he had---

“You still here with me, buddy?”

“Uh?“ _Damnit._

Blake laughs, giving Adam’s shoulder a slight shove. “We were just talking about how you’re so not going home right now.”

“Oh… uh no. I’m really tired, Blake, and I need---“

“The party has barely started, Adam, it’s my birthday, you’re not leaving!”

“Blake, I--- you don’t need me here, do you?“ He lets out a humourless chuckle. “I mean, I mean… you’ve barely fucking looked at me all night and now you want me to stay? What the Hell for? I… I just---.” Adam trails off then. He’s already said too damn much. He doesn’t know why on Earth he’s said all that, he’s not even drunk. And the worst thing is that Blake doesn’t say a single thing in return, he just stares at him in that way he does sometimes. 

Adam wants to die right on the spot.

“Look... I’ve gotta go, I---“

“Hey,” Blake’s eyes go soft in an instant, he touches a hand to Adam’s upper arm, “What’s wrong, buddy?”

“Nothing!” Adam snaps, shrugging the hand off.

“Looks like a whole lot of nothing to me.”

Adam sighs. Blake’s having none of it, of course not, and Adam wants to punch himself in the face for opening his stupid mouth and letting all those embarrassing things tumble out. _Goddamnit._

He takes a calming breath, bracing himself, “I’m fine, really. I just wanna go home.”

+

Adam doesn’t know why, instead of leaving the party and going home like he said he would, he let Blake drag him out of the main room and onto that little balcony – but that’s how things went. And now they’re out here and the night is really beautiful and mild, but the silence surrounding them is awkward and suffocating.

Adam sighs. “You should go back inside. They’re all waiting for you.”

Blake completely ignores that, if anything he’s leaning even more heavily against the railing now, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes trained on the younger man. “What are you so upset about?” he asks then, “Can’t be because you’ve lost,” Blake smirks, “I mean, we all knew it would happen, I always win.” 

Adam snorts. “Fuck you.”

“There, there!” Blake grins, “That’s the Adam we all love and adore!”

Adam’s face falls at that, he doesn’t want it to, but – he can’t stop it. He turns away from Blake then, facing the pitch-dark night instead.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong now or what?”

“You don’t want to know, Blake.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve asked you about three hundred times already.”

There’s some silence again after that and then: “Do you know why all of my relationships were that… fucked up? That short-lived?” Adam asks and he waits a little, but when there’s no reply he adds: “They all lost interest in me pretty quickly.”

Blake lets out a laugh. “I doubt that very much.”

“Yeah?” Adam turns around again to look at the other man, “It’s true, though. At first they find me sexy and, I don’t know, exciting, maybe,” he shrugs, “But after a few months or a year if I’m lucky they get bored. And leave.”

“Don’t you think it’s more the other way around?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Blake still seems completely lost. “So, that’s why you’re upset? Aren’t you dating this, uh, this super-young, super-pretty---“

“And I was wondering,” Adam interrupts him, “If – now that you’ve ditched me, too – “

“I---What?!“

“If maybe you could tell me what I’m doing wrong.” Adam folds his arms in front of his chest. “What’s wrong with me, Blake? Tell me.”

“I… I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I miss you.”

“I’m right here.”

Adam laughs. “Yeah.”

+

Adam doesn’t remember much from his car ride back home, but he’s sure he must’ve broken the speed limit more than once, because it’s only half an hour later when he pushes open his bedroom door, kicks off his shoes and collapses on top of the covers.

He wishes that he could just fall asleep straight away and forget about everything, but he knows that there is no way that this will happen. His pulse is still going as fast as if he’d run the way back home and it’s pretty clear that sleep won’t come easy tonight.

+

Adam is just about to take off his last remaining piece of clothing and step into the shower when suddenly his phone goes off. He stops dead in his tracks, waiting, his hands still on the waistband of his boxer briefs, but when it doesn’t stop ringing he sighs and rushes back into the bedroom.

It’s sort of pathetic how relieved he is when he looks at the screen and realises that it isn’t Blake.

“Christina…”

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

“What?!”

“I… I’m home.”

“Yeah, yeah I got that,” she says and Adam can basically _hear_ her rolling her eyes at him, “But why? Everyone is still here.”

“Yeah, I… you know.” 

“No, I don’t.”

Adam had almost forgotten how persistent this woman could be. He rubs his eyes, trying to come up with a somewhat convincing explanation, but before he can say something Christina already speaks again.

“We haven’t seen each other in a while. I thought we could catch up tonight, have a few drinks…”

“Yeah, I know,” Adam suddenly feels bad, “Look, I’m sorry. I just--- I’m not feeling too well.”

“You looked okay during the show.”

Adam groans. “God, can’t you just leave it alone and let me be miserable?”

“Have you met me?”

“You’re right,” Adam laughs, “What was I thinking?” 

“Exactly.”

Adam sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Just tell me what he’s done this time.”

“What?!” Seriously now. What the Hell? 

“Don’t play dumb with me now, Adam,” Christina says, her tone pitying at best, “We both know that only _he_ can get you into such a state.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Christina ignores this and says, “He’s still here, you know, and he’s pretty drunk by now. I’d say you come back and get him.”

Adam lets out a laugh at that. Not a heartfelt one, though. He doesn’t know why but suddenly everything comes crashing down on him again – the desperation and the need, the memory of what happened on that balcony only an hour ago, what he confessed to Blake and what he _didn’t_ confess and then this overwhelming fear that he might’ve blown it completely out there.

He’s so screwed. He couldn’t be any more screwed.

“Adam?”

“What?”

“Get your ass back here.”

“No.”

+

It takes Adam another ten minutes to finally get Christina to give up and – eventually – _hang_ up on him. He’s not sure but he thinks that he might have pissed her off a little at the end, but – damnit – all he wanted was some peace and quiet, was that really too much to ask for? 

Apparently.

Adam sends her a little _‘I’m sorry’_ -text anyway and then he heads back to the bathroom to finally take a shower.

+

He gets about twenty minutes of restless sleep before his phone goes off again. He curses under his breath, mostly at himself for not turning the damn thing off, but then he blindly reaches for it anyway. 

This time it’s a message.

And this time it _is_ Blake.

_‘Miss you 2 dickhead’_

Adam stares at the screen in disbelief. And, God, he hates how this stupid little meaningless text makes his heart race like crazy. What the Hell? He considers ignoring the message and going back to sleep – but, of course, this isn’t even an option. He takes a few calming breathes, squirms a little under the covers until he’s in a somewhat comfortable position and then he texts back.

_‘You’re drunk.’_

The reply is immediate.

_‘Yess.’_

Adam snorts. What an idiot.

Before he can come up with a reply Blake texts him again.

_‘Ou should comehere and drink with me.’_

Adam can’t help but smile at the typos and just… everything about that man is so ridiculous. And adorable. Adam thinks his heart is going to burst out of his chest. 

_‘I think you’ve had enough.’_

_‘Of you? Never’_

Adam’s pulse quickens promptly and, man, he really needs to work on that. 

Another message from Blake: _‘Call me! Typing’s hard!!1’_

Uh no.

_‘No.’_

Of course, what happens next is – his phone starts ringing.

+

 

“So, what exactly are you doin’ that’s that much more exciting than drinking with me?”

Adam swallows and sits up a little to lean against the headboard of his bed. He doesn’t know why, but he feels a little awkward, talking to Blake while in bed, while wearing nothing more than a pair of briefs. It feels intimate and he doesn’t like it. Or well, he _does_ , but---

“Did you hang up on me?”

“No. I told you.” 

“Uh?”

“Told you I was tired, Blake,” Adam says, “So I went home. I was sleeping when you texted me.”

“Alone?”

Adam snorts. “None of your business, you dick.”

“Ah, c’mon. Everything’s my business today! It’s my birthday!”

Adam rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Alone. Naturally.”

Blake laughs. “Naturally? Guess _naturally_ you’re sharing your big ass bed with at least one of’em pretty models, you cheeky bastard.”

“You talk so much bullshit, Blake.”

Blake pouts. “Now you’re hurting my feelings, Adam!”

“That’s rich coming from you,” Adam mutters and, for at least the second time tonight, he regrets the words the moment they’re out of his mouth. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“When have I hurt your feelings?”

“Blake, I---“ Adam sighs, “Look. Go back to your party. We can talk tomorrow or, you know, whenever.” Or maybe just _never._ Not about that anyway.

Blake goes silent after that and for a while all Adam can hear is soft music playing somewhere in the background on Blake’s side of the conversation. He wonders where exactly Blake is, if he’s back on that balcony or if he’s ducked into an empty room to call him or---

“What did you mean with, y’know, with what you said earlier. Me ditching you an’ this bullcrap.”

Ugh. “Noth---“

“If you say _‘Nothing’_ one more time I swear I’ll punch you in the face, Adam. Fuck’s sake.”

“You can’t punch me through the phone, tho.”

“Watch me.”

Adam swallows. What’s this then – the big moment of truth? Certainly not. It can’t be. God, he didn’t even really have this conversation with himself yet. 

“Blake…”

“No. No bullshitting.”

Adam groans. “Maybe, maybe I miss spending time with you, Blake,” he says, “Outside of this damn studio.”

“You could’ve just said something.”

Adam huffs, “I’m not one to beg.”

“Beg? Really, Adam? Has this ever been necessary?”

“Maybe not in the past, but…”

“You’re the one who ditched me on my birthday.”

“You don’t need me there.” _Pathetic._ That’s what he is.

Blake laughs. “Yeah, that’s why I’m in the fuckin’ bathroom, talking to you, while next door everyone’s havin’ a blast without me.”

“You should go back.”

“Not before you tell me what’s goin’ on.”

Adam raises a hand to his face and rubs his eyes until he sees stars. He lets out a breath. “Maybe I like you a little too much.” 

The silence after that doesn’t last more than a few seconds, it feels like hours to Adam, though. He’s sure he won’t make it.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” 

“We both know it is, Blake.”

“I’ll drop by tomorrow before we fly back to Oklahoma.”

“What? No. No, you… Blake?” _Fuck._

+

Adam doesn’t get much sleep that night, expectably so. He gets up around eight just to make sure he’s freshly showered and fully dressed by the time Blake stops by – _if_ he stops by – and then he sits down at his piano.

It’s half past nine when Adam hears the gate buzzer.

He jumps to his feet, almost knocking over the piano bench, and rushes down the stairs. He stops in front of the mirror, runs a nervous hand through his hair, smoothes down his shirt and then curses at himself for doing any of that. _Pull yourself together, damnit._

Blake is wearing shades. Adam can’t remember the last time he’s seen him wearing shades.

“Morning.” Blake is all smiles then as if last night had never happened.

“Come in.”

+

Adam tries to act as normal as possible, but he knows he’s failing miserably. He’s talking way too much, asking Blake whether he wants coffee or tea and whether he needs sugar or not and if he’s hungry and when he’s got to be at the airport and---

“Adam. Will you calm down?”

“What? I... am calm.”

Blake chuckles. “Put that down,” he says and grabs the coffee mug from Adam’s hand, putting it somewhere behind him on the counter. He has him cornered then, one hand next to his hip, the other suddenly on his chin, lifting it up.

“Blake…”

When Blake’s lips touch his Adam can’t help but let out a small whimper. It earns him another chuckle from Blake ( _bastard_ ) but it also seems to encourage the other man even more, because he deepens the kiss then, his hand now pressed against the back of Adam’s neck and then – finally – Adam snaps out of it, too, and kisses Blake back.

Kissing Blake is… even better than he’d imagined. Blake’s kisses are forceful and demanding, the hand that came to rest on Adam’s hip is grabbing him a little too tightly and Adam finds himself to like all that _a lot_. He’s more than willing to let Blake push things however far he wants them to go. 

So when Blake slows down and eventually ends the kiss, pulling away far enough to rest his forehead against Adam’s, the younger man groans at the loss. 

“Needy, are we?” Blake laughs.

“Shut _up_ ,” Adam mutters, but when he leans up to press his lips against Blake’s again the other man places a hand against his chest, stopping him. 

“I’ve gotta go.”

“What?”

“The airport, remember?” Blake smirks and takes a few steps back, bringing some distance between them. 

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Okay. So,” Blake runs a hand through his hair, “Do I look… presentable?”

Adam snorts. “You always look presentable.” He feels himself blush and looks away. “Dumbass,” he adds.

“So charming.”

+

Blake is almost out of the door when Adam finally blurts it out, this question that’s been running through his head ever since Blake had blown his mind and kissed him breathless a few minutes ago.

“What does that mean now?”

Blake stops. He drops his bag and steps right into Adam’s personal space again. 

The younger man’s breath hitches.

“It means,” Blake says and brings up a hand to cup Adam’s jaw, "That you're an idiot," he kisses the corner of Adam’s mouth, “Cos otherwise you would've noticed that I’ve always liked you a little too much.”

Adam’s face hurts from how hard he’s trying to supress that stupid smile that’s creeping on his face now.

“I see you for season 5, babe,” Blake smirks and then he’s off and gone.

+


End file.
